


Somewhere Between Loss and Love

by MegaWallflower



Category: Naruto
Genre: Dad Talk, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, PoV Hatake Sakumo, Purgatory, Purple Prose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-23 20:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20207785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MegaWallflower/pseuds/MegaWallflower
Summary: Two friends meet again at a crossroads. All they have is a fire and nowhere to be, but somewhere to go.





	Somewhere Between Loss and Love

The darkness here looked like it stretched on forever.

This purgatory seemed impossibly large, and the only balm against the empty black was a single, eternally burning wood fire. A small pillar of light, a luminescent beacon that reached only slightly beyond Sakumo’s log seat. It was bright, but its glow did not burn or blaze or harm; It soothed, like a candle in the endless night that kept the shadows at bay, or the tender heat from a fireplace amidst the harsh wintertime cold. The silence was palpable and the tension, jagged.

This silence and this solitude might be his prison forever, he supposed. It was fitting, in a way. It turned out that death wasn’t an escape from everything.

That was why he was here, wasn't it?

A punishment, silence weighing heavy on his shoulders like the guilt of burdening his son with shame and disgrace and then leaving him alone in the world. Kakashi would find his way much better on his own than he could if Sakumo tried to lead him. That was what Sakumo believed. That was what he knew was true, but even so…

“—Sakumo?!”

The White Fang startled back into attention, hearing the familiar shout break right through what Sakumo thought was oppressively omnipresent silence.

“Sakumo! Sakumo, is that you? It is! What a small world!”

He recognized this voice. It sounded like home, and it touched some part of him that he thought had faded away by now. It belonged to a man who had always had a talent for breaking through walls and norms, either because he didn’t notice them or he didn’t care.

Despite himself, Sakumo almost smiled. Then, the reality of the situation sunk in, and he wondered if he should cry for the man instead. People didn’t end up here for pleasant reasons.

At least Duy had come alone, too.

How fortunate. How sad.

“Sakumo! It feels like it’s been too long, old friend!” Duy repeated, taking a seat right next to Sakumo and throwing an arm over his shoulder. “You’ve been missed, to say the least!”

Sakumo couldn’t find the bravery to ask “Missed by whom?” He didn’t think he had the right to ask any questions of Duy. Sakumo had chosen his death. He couldn’t witness any more of Kakashi’s life because of that choice.

In lieu of a greeting, Sakumo simply sighed and gave Duy an awkward, wordless half-smile.

Duy had never been insulted or deterred by an awkward silence before, and not even death could change this man. “To think your face would be the first I see when I open my eyes again! Both sides of the world, living and dead, are truly so, so small! You don’t look like you’ve changed a bit, Sakumo! Well, I suppose we won’t be aging anymore anyway, will we? We died as handsome men at the peaks of our youth! I’ve finally lived up to my name! Might Duy might die!”

The familiar bout of laughter didn’t echo. This place truly must have stretched on eternally, to be able to contain a man like Duy so easily. Sakumo found the thought disheartening, somehow. In his own way, he’d thought Duy really was larger than life. But all people were equal in death.

Even pitiful men like Sakumo and great men like Duy.

Eventually, Duy stopped laughing, probably realizing his attempt at levity would have no effect. “To think that both of our flames have both burned out already. I wonder… if we’ve hurt them too much.”

Sakumo didn’t have to _wonder_. He saw the pain in Kakashi’s eyes in his final moments. He couldn’t imagine what came after, but he already knew it was too much. Even before his death, he had caused too much pain and too much trouble for Kakashi and the Leaf Village.

He had even caused too much trouble for Duy in the past already. Sakumo didn’t even know if he had any right to ask how Duy had died.

Apparently sensing his question, Duy asked one of his own. “Are you familiar with the Eight Gates?”

Sakumo blinked in surprise, nodding mutely. He supposed that answered his question well enough. He couldn’t imagine Duy opening the gates, but even Sakumo had only ever read about the technique in books and old reports.

Duy grinned, proud of himself. “I’d give anything to protect my son. My life was a small price to pay! He’ll live to be stronger and find whatever he needs out of life! That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” A pause. “…I wish I could say that’s all I ever wanted. But I wish I could still be protecting him. I wanted to watch my little boy grow up. I wanted to see everything my beloved son could bring into the world. I wanted to watch the springtime of his youth blossom… for a little while longer. I think I did what was right. I know I did what I had to do. But it’s painful, isn’t it? The ghost of a regret. All of the what-ifs and maybes followed us beyond our graves, my old friend.”

It was a sobering confession. Sakumo wasn’t sure if it made him feel better or worse, knowing he wasn’t alone in his regrets. So many parents left their children alone when they were shinobi. The war was probably still raging now, so many more children would be left alone to carve their way without parents, or worse, parents would be left alone to bury their children. All thanks to a war that Sakumo had helped start.

Again, like Duy could read his mind, “You don’t control everything, Sakumo-san. Things beyond us have moved the world before and after us. People simply like a scapegoat. As shinobi, you and I were good enough. That’s what I believe.”

It sounded like he was being scolded. Sakumo stared quietly at the fire. He didn’t have the energy to process words as lofty as those.

“As fathers, neither of us were lacking in love and devotion to our sons, and yet,” Duy patted Sakumo’s arm. “Here we are, coming so far into a place they can’t and won’t follow us to. Not yet. And I’d be furious if they did! You know they’re strong, Sakumo. Especially together.”

Sakumo finally found words to speak. “I can only hope _he’s_ stronger and smarter than _I_ was…”

Duy pursed his lips at the defeated sound in his Sakumo’s voice. He was apparently a mind-reader, so it was probably obvious to him that this was the thing that Sakumo had been struggling with for all this time. He desperately wanted some kind of justification for the heavy burden and title bestowed upon him, or reassurance that the sacrifice of both of things for the sake of a comrade wasn’t in vain.

Duy squeezed Sakumo’s shoulder lightly before pulling away from him. “He’ll have much more to tell you someday than I could tell you now. There’s only so much I can say. But I can tell you we were right about their potential as rivals! Our sons get along better every day. They lean on each other and make each other stronger. This may be the last time we talk for quite a while, so I guess I should say anything that needs to be said now! There’s no doubt in my mind they’ll be living very long lives! They won’t visit us on this side for a long, long time! You can lean on me if you need to, Sakumo. After all,” He flashed him a Good Guy Pose, and Sakumo had no idea how he made his teeth sparkle in this dark place. “We are in-laws, aren’t we?”

“We’re—what?” The term was practically foreign to Sakumo, it might as well have been in Duy’s foreign language. Sakumo’s parents had been dead long before he had gotten married, and the same was true for his late wife’s parents. They had never been a large, extended family.

Well, he supposed, if he was understanding this at all, Kakashi was in the same situation.

_In-laws._ Marriage. Families. If Sakumo and Duy, _specifically_, were in-laws, then that would have to mean…

“H-how long has it— How old are— Kakashi and Guy are— Excuse me?” Sakumo wasn’t sure what he was supposed to ask.

Duy laughed again, sharp and loud, and suddenly Sakumo knew he’d walked right into that. “Oh! I misspoke! ‘In-arms!’ The two of us are brothers-in-arms!”

Sakumo sighed, and glared, and tried to find it in himself to be upset with Duy for trying to get a rise out of him like that. It fell flat, especially when met with the soft sincerity in Duy’s voice. “You raised a fine boy, Sakumo. I’m relieved that my son’s first love was such a kind boy!”

Sakumo let out a sigh and returned to a neutral expression. “Ah… Is that another joke?”

“No, not at all.” Duy shook his head. “I know my son well. Better than almost anyone. I know his heart. And more than that, I meant it when I said they’re getting along better and better. Those boys will build their own eternity as long as they’re together. Love will carry them.” The quiet, sincere tone surprised Sakumo. “Who knows, when we see them next, they may regale us with stories of love and adventure and promiscuity! We may be grandpas by the next time we see them! Isn’t that an exciting idea?”

Duy was serious. Sakumo’s troubled tone returned. “That’s… I-I don’t know if that’s the story we’ll hear, exactly…”

“Well, whatever story we hear, it will be a happy one! We raised good sons, Sakumo. They’ll find the strength to carve out their own happy endings. The most we can do for them now, as their fathers, is believe in that. We may not have been perfect fathers, but those two were both perfect sons.”

He was right. He always was, when it came to parenting.

Duy got to his feet, and even in death, this man stood tall, throwing a smile down at Sakumo. “Will you be staying here?”

It took Sakumo a moment to process the question.

_Ah._ So Duy was already ready to pass on.

“I want to greet him when he comes,” Sakumo answered. “If he comes here.”

Duy seemed more than pleased with that answer. He seemed proud. Sakumo’s chest swelled with a strange sort of happiness from being looked at that way. “You’ll be waiting a long, long time.” Duy reiterated optimistically. No shinobi lived a long, long time, but it was nice to hear.

“Good,” Sakumo chuckled quietly. “I hope he keeps me waiting with his long, long, happy life. I don’t want to see him soon. But I do want to see him again.”

For that, Duy rewarded him with another Good Guy Pose. “I couldn’t have said it better myself!”

“…Besides,” Sakumo added sheepishly. “I’ll need every second I can get to think of a proper apology.”

“That’s the spirit! As for me, my son would prefer if I didn’t wait here, I’m sure! So, I’ll see you, someday, on the other side?”

Sakumo had lived a short life. He’d died young, with so few people he could call a friend. It was nice knowing that Duy, one of his closest friends in the end, was this kind and forgiving.

These thoughts never waned, even as Duy faded from his sight.

“See you on the other side, my friend,” Sakumo said quietly.

And then he was alone again with the ever-stretching darkness and the light’s small reprieve.


End file.
